After a long week full of cold days and soul searching, I emerge today to acknowledge my blog for the week. I try to write here 3 times per week and more often accomplish 2 entries, but life got the better of me and my time! And every time I tried to formulate an entry, I had nothing and everything to write about. So I waited.
The weather got really cold again, driving us back under big comforters and I felt the impulse to hibernate — truly. Every moment possible I slept, deeply. Whenever a kid slept, there I was! It was awesome really. Disorienting, plan changing, but so good. I still only get a max of 3 hours at a time with a nursing baby at my side, so I do have big, sexy fantasies of 8 hours of uninterrupted, blissful, needtopee-free sleep, alone in a huge bed of course … sigh … and then I shake myself and wonder if I could even do it if it was possible, honestly I’d probably make a craft instead if I had that kind of time!
As for the soul search part, I formally resigned from my work as a managing editor. I won’t return there after my maternity leave. It was time. There was a lot of consideration and I feel truly solid in my decision. But I’m leaving a secure place to land and a known quantity that’s been a part of my life in various forms for the past 10 years. And I’m walking towards an Autumn of mothering with my (paid)work committed to the development of my independent sewing business. I’m giving this working-from-home thing a shot at last. And I’m very excited!
And for your Reaview Fridays pleasure I present Knitted Easter Eggs! I made them through the late winter of 2009 as my Rudi approached his first birthday. And, bless my ambitious heart, I made one for everyone who attended his first birthday party! I was left with 9 that I use every year now to make an Easter Tree, a weird but beautiful decoration that I feel attached to from childhood. I used this lovely, easy pattern from Lonie May. I think I added a row or 2 to the middles as I like a nice long-bodied egg, made hanging loops and added colours to create patterns. Here they are with some of their real brothers from an Ontario farm:
Cheers to change and bravery and possibility. And to Fridays! Happy weekend.
Yesterday was Valentines and Rudi worked for hours at making some spectacular cards for us. He’s learned to use tape and is very proud, his tongue sticks out with concentration and his little fingers work so carefully:
I’ve been trying and mostly succeeding at doing some of my artistic work during the day amidst and around the mothering of my 2 wee boys. But it’s come at a cost, I feel like I’m unraveling a bit and the balance of life vs work/art is swinging back and forth wildly, dizzyingly, instead of wafting tolerably.
It was working for a bit but I realized that I was putting-off my 3 year old more than usual because I was either preparing food, nursing the 5 month old or working on some sewing or online on the blog or researching. Not fair to him. And sending me in too many directions, which always ends up making me feel useless. Not fair to me. And since I have a lot of interests, I tend towards this anyways — being in too many directions at once, having a lot of “in progress” projects that get done bit by bit as interest and time allow. And then the feeling useless translates into me getting defensive to the world and being a major brittle, cranky pants. So it’s time for a schedule overhaul!
We are now playing with Rudi for a while in the mornings immediately following breakfast, instead of us both going off on our own, he to play and me to work. Today we were in spaceships (he made one for me by arranging all the balls he owns around me in a circle!) We talked on walkie-talkies (wood pieces from his play tool set) and took pictures of planets with his toy camera. It gave a much better tone to the day, Rudi was happier and I’m feeling like I actually accomplished something rather than just spinning my wheels.
And instead of trying to do everything — mothering and art-working — all at once, I’m going to try dedicating 2 to 3 nights per week to the sewing and crafting instead of surrendering to the couch and good/bad TV with the hubby every single night, as tempting as it is. And the days will be more for the boys, and food prep, and walks and whatever comes along, like unexpected poos or cuddles or naps or cleaning jags! We’ll see how it goes, I’m going to give it the old college try anyways.
I’ll leave you with this little nugget of goodness in honour of yesterday’s love day. I’ve been following the blog of artistic mom Adele Enersen since I found it in 2010 — you should check out her etsy blog to see what I’m talking about – her sleeping baby adventure photos are utterly inspiring! Rudi was too old to try this with by the time I saw her blog, so when I had Gene I knew I wanted to make some of my own with him during his sleepy times. Here he is, rocking the Cupid: